Xmas songs no. 15: Bad Credit – “All I Want for Xmas Is My Two Fat Beats”

Giving Back by Giving UpThere are a couple of bands I used to follow mainly because guys from my place of work were in them. There was Reeve Oliver, a pop rock band consisting of Sean (who was a dolphin show guitarist and later played bass in Yellowcard for a couple years), Brad (who was a Biff in the sea lion show), and O (of various SD bands such as Fluf, currently in Octagrape). The other was Bad Credit, a comedy rap duo with a backing band. The rappers were Dallas (aka Dr. Cliff Mixtable; he used to host Shamu’s House of Douse and I think currently hosts Pets Rule and plays Biff in the sea lion show) and Matt (aka Optimus Rhyme). The Bad Credit guys are pals with The Aquabats and used to open for them sometimes. I remember seeing them twice, once opening for the ‘bats at the Glasshouse in Pomona and another time at a coffee shop called Lestat’s which had a little room next door with a stage. They had an EP, an album (2004’s Giving Back by Giving Up), and a live disc.

“All I Want for Xmas Is My Two Fat Beats” was a holiday song they did in 2004. The video below shows them performing it on Fox Rox, a music showcase than ran for about 5 years on XETV (our local Fox affiliate) and featured mostly local acts and occasionally nationally-touring ones. These days Dallas writes animated segments for The Aquabats! Super Show! and contributes music for Yo Gabba Gabba!, as well as doing standup, sports commentary, musical theater, and podcasts.

Dallas, if you’re reading this, I never got a copy of the Bad Credit EP and would like one if you still happen to have any 🙂


All I want for Christmas is my two fat beats
My two fat beats, my two fat beats
All I want for Christmas is my two fat beats
Tra la la la la la la

Woke up in Clairemont at six am
It was time for Christmas to start again
But the tree was empty, the gifts were gone
Pops must have left them in his car on the lawn

Walked outside, it was old Saint Nick
He was drunk on my porch there with Jiminy Glick
My dad’s passed out on the hood of the car
So I bricked him in the head with a piece of rebar

He finally got up, brought the gifts in the house
I got a Super Big Gulp and my brother got a blouse
We went to El Cotixan for a Christmas feast
I want a super nacho and extra cheese

I bring a mistletoe everywhere I go
Making out with people that I don’t even know
Bill Gates and Mrs. Claus got the tra la las
‘Cause this is every single Christmas in Clairemont

Yo, yo I got a wishlist and I’m wreckin’ it twice
I want snare and kick drums and a beat that’s nice
Wrap it up tight, hide it under the bed
‘Cause I’m on in December ’cause November’s check red

I put the holla in the holidays so cheer it up
Pine trees, egg nog, so what, so what?
I’m rockin’ in my stockin’, gonna tear it up
Rip it up, wrapping paper, gonna crack you like a nut

I saw Santa Claus, he said “Ho ho ho
My sleigh’s broke down and I need tow”
Hooked him up to the hitch, Santa flipped the switch
We was rollin’ on three as I saved Christmas

We dropped off all the presents at the end of the night
I stopped to get gas and Santa took a flight
I got home late and looked under the tree
There was a funky fresh present and it was addressed to me

It said “Yo Optimus, take a look inside”
It was my two fat beats, “P.S.: Thanks for the ride”

I saw your mom kissing Santa Claus
But your dad’s on vacation in Wichita

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